Beautiful People

I’ve had the privilege of working with some amazing human beings who come in the form of teenage girls. And I’m here to tell you something: we need these people. The world needs young women desperately—not just for who they may be someday, but for who they are right now.

I missed my teen years pretty much entirely. Maybe that’s because, as several people have told me, I was “born old.” Maybe that’s because I had bigger things on my plate than normal teen life. Maybe it’s because I spent most of my teens in the 80s, when the ideal teen girl starved herself out of existence. Maybe it’s all of those things.

Whatever happened to my teen years, it’s allowed me to see other young women as almost a foreign species—maybe I have fewer assumptions about them because I don’t remember being one. In any case, I love them!

Sure, it takes a while to get inside the world of a young woman today. There’s a reason middle school girls are considered the source of all slang—their world comes highly coded. And why not? Think of how our society views teen girls as a rule. I imagine the words “duck lips” and “selfie” popped up in your thoughts somewhere.

If the majority of humans I interacted with treated me like a vain, brainless annoyance, I’d hide my world behind a wall of private language, too.

Let’s pause here for a little disclaimer: I’m not here to generalize. Not all teen girls are fantastic human beings, not all of society treats them like useless idiots, and no, we should not all aspire to be teenagers again. But. I am here to ask some questions and provoke some thoughts.

Why do we devalue ages so much? Why do we spend our whole life racing to be adult and then trying to stay young? Well, it follows that we think infants, children, teens, and old people are less than adults “in their prime.” Ha! Just look at that phrase.

I’ll tell you what, playing with a baby or a toddler does more good for my mental health than any meditation app or a thousand dollars of therapy. Babies live in the moment naturally, every moment. Lately, we all try to force ourselves back into that state to be mentally well—without ever acknowledging that we were BORN in that state. Or that we can relearn if from younger folks.

Yep, babies and toddlers do something right, something that we in-our-prime adults do horribly. How ‘bout that. I bet they might even do more than one thing better than adults! Maybe we should…appreciate them. Maybe we shouldn’t rush them toward reading and playing competitive sports and keeping a schedule.

In my life, I’ve been lucky enough to spend time with active, vibrant, centered teen girls—enough time to see behind the wall of coded culture. And let me tell you, these people are beautiful.

It’s easier to see in the woods, when all the nitpicking of the world leaves them alone for a bit. That’s why I’m a huge advocate of camping for teens.

I’ll never forget one of my most challenging campers getting frustrated with her fellow campers on an overnight. She’d had enough goofing around. She decided to show her unit how to make a breakfast over a fire, for crying out loud. She took over entirely as I faded into the shadows. She gave orders, cooked, managed, and served. Then she sat down with a couple of pieces of bacon. Turns out, she doesn’t eat eggs. But she made them for everyone else.

I also remember the entire unit thanking her and singing her praises later than night. And I also remember her running out of the tent. She couldn’t handle hearing that much praise. She wasn’t used to it.

At the time, that made me sad on an individual level. Now my sadness—and a little righteous anger—has gotten more global. Now that I’m not even remotely a teen, but the parent of a teen, I see a bigger picture. I see these girls moving through our world, keeping their awesomeness low key, and I want to bring that awesome to the world!

Teen girls prioritize relationships—with friends and possible romantic partners. You know who else invests in relationships? The folks in the blue zones who live to be a hundred and stay healthy doing it. How about that.

I just finished volunteering backstage at the youth circus, in the girls’ dressing room, for a week. I watched thirty girls lend and borrow shoes, remind each other of entrances coming up, zip costumes, talk over acts they just finished, and do each other’s hair and makeup constantly. Tides of giving and receiving washed through the room. It was beautiful.

And about that word beautiful… You know what I did this morning? I took a few extra seconds to pick a fun dress from my closet. I checked myself out in the mirror before I went about my day. And I felt great about it.

You know why? Because I just spent a week with people who do that. Teen girls try new products—whatever type they love, be it hand cream or shampoo or a new blush palette. They wear clothes they like. They give themselves a onceover in the mirror before they go. (They also wear pajamas all day and pack for a weekend in a backpack as needed. I seriously love these girls!)

There’s nothing beautiful about being obsessed with appearance, but loving yourself and caring for yourself is GORGEOUS. We cheer when gay men or French women do it—they get book deals and tv shows. Yet teen girls walk in our midst, modeling self-care left and right, and we dismiss it.

Well, I am here for you, teen girls. I’m glad you exist. I love the avenues of life that you explore. I want to bring a little of your values into my life and into our world.

Thank you for doing you! You’ve helped me do me a little better.

Beautiful food and photo by our beautiful teen!