Thursday, May 5, 2016

Coming Home

Where have I been?

I’ve been coming home from my Lenten journey. 

Part of that involves the blossoming of the seeds planted as I traveled. Many of those seeds appear in my blogs, so I’m sure it’s no surprise to you that, like Dorothy before me, I’ve discovered that “If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with.”

Walking to the cow field didn’t enable me to find peace; walking out into the world from our home did. Maybe I didn’t see it until I realized that the most beautiful sunrises happen right behind our roof, but our home holds everything I need.

Will I always love a pasture more than a high rise? Sure. Do I hope someday my husband and I fulfill our dream of being hermits on an island or a mountain or just in the middle of nowhere? I sure do! But whatever world I walk through when I leave our nest, I carry our love with me. 

The other part of my homecoming is even closer to my heart—literally. I feel healthy for the first time in years. The whys and hows signify, but not nearly as much as the gratitude. I am heart-burstingly, mind-alteringly, ephiphany-creatingly thankful for so much right now!

I’m grateful that I can take a full, deep breath
And because of that, I can sleep again
And because of that, I can run again
And because of that, I can laugh again
And because of that, I can sing again
And because of that, I can remember again

A little while ago, one of the kids was hurt because I’d forgotten something important. I would never forget voluntarily, but it still stung. After all, I'm mom and mom, of all people, should remember. This time I could say, “I know I’ve forgotten more than I’d like lately. I promise I’m getting better.”

I’m eternally grateful that my mind works again
And because of that, I can work confidently again
And because of that, I can read books for pleasure again
And because of that, I can prioritize again
And because of that, I have free time again
And because of that, I feel satisfaction again
I’m grateful that my body can move again
And because of that, exercise energizes me again
And because of that, I can work without constant breaks again
And because of that, I can trust my appetite again
And because of that, I can reach the top shelf again
And because of that, I can stretch out in bed again

This isn’t even remotely a complete list! Right now, for example, Bruno and I are hanging in the kitchen waiting for the newly cleaned carpets to dry. I’m grateful the thunderstorms arrived yesterday, so Bruno’s latest Pee from Fright happened the day before the cleaning. I’m grateful for the cleaners coming on the exact day I needed and the family coming to celebrate with us this weekend. I’m grateful I work from home with a view of sunshine on forest and that it's a gorgeous, barely humid day with a breeze. It's a joy to open the windows.
It’s like a happy hydra—every time I name something I love, two more spring to mind!

Yes, it’s been a long road. Yes, I’ve felt other things. And, yes, I’m still healing. I can’t do ALL THE THINGS. RIGHT NOW. REALLY WELL.

Actually…I can. But I won’t. Here’s the thing about going from feeling really rotten to miraculously well in a matter of weeks—nope, here come a couple of things about that.

One, I ask myself constantly how I ever wasted this gift of health on anything miserable. How? I don’t know and I really don’t care because I am done with that. Done. With. That.

Two, I value this precious gift of healing and this beautiful body of mine far too much to squander now! If something feels off or draining or not good for me, I’m not doing it. I’m going to listen to one of my favorite characters in all literature: “Treat it with care. Give it clean water. And feed it fresh air.”

Three, I limped along doing only a few things, barely on time, and just well enough to get by—with a poorly functioning mind in a barely functioning body—and everyone is still Just Fine. The earth turns, the seasons come and go, people live and die, my family’s amazing. So do ALL THE THINGS even need to be done? RIGHT NOW? REALLY WELL? Apparently not. We have proof to the contrary. 

Slàinte, everybody! Adopt a happy hydra! Go do something you love—I will. And I promise you a fun, funny kid blog next time.

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