Sunday, June 30, 2013

My Way

Lately, I’ve been thinking beyond that point when I’ll sit down. I’ve been contemplating What I Will Do When I Grow Up and Who I Will Be. Deep stuff.

I find I’m seriously out of practice with such things. For various reasons, my life has never much cared what I wanted. And motherhood is, in many ways, a graduate course in the art of surrender. Of course, there’s freedom and power and love to be found in the surrender and all that good stuff, but that’s not for this post.

In this post, I want to start by reviewing all the things that necessity dictates in parenthood—clothes (maternity, nursing, easy wash), how you eat your food (fast, cold), where we sit relative to kids (between them), what we buy for ourselves (nothing—there’s no money), and how much leisure time we have (um, what’s that again?). And then I want to say that…

It gets better.

After an eternity of practicing self-denial and delayed gratification, I got to choose something I wanted. I’m grateful that the universe let me start small, as I might have been overwhelmed otherwise. Sure, I’ve gradually been adding a nice, delicate wash item to my wardrobe here and there. Big A. and I have, on occasion, sat together in a booth and let the munchkins sit across from us. We’ve started to take a date night or two. So what’s this big watershed I’ve just experienced?

After years—the college, post-college, newlywed, and new parenting years—of using found, inherited, or repurposed containers for storage, I picked out new baskets for my desk.

Like I said, the universe let me start small, but, wow, was it fun! I didn’t consider anything but what I liked and what would suit my things. I didn’t even think of the budget (although they were fifty percent off). It was…intoxicating.

Looking at my new baskets makes me happy. And it gives me hope. Hope that, when the time comes and necessity backs off, I’ll be able to pick a vocation that makes me happy. After years of doing it the “right way” or, more often, “the hard way,” I will be able to say that I’m doing it my way.

Yes, I'm a basket case. See? I beat you to it.

Pretty. Pretty baskets.

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