In Part Two, we explore the stinky side of my dog Bruno.
At his first well-puppy visit, the vet observed him a bit, listened to us, and then said, “Well, his problem is…actually, your problem is that he’s smart.”
Because there aren’t enough strong-willed, wily characters around the house!
Hit and run—Now we come to the stinky part. Yes, dogs fart. They fart a lot when they’re sleeping. It drifts over to wrap around you like a thick, downy comforter of peeyew. So, you can imagine that, when he’s curled up on our feet at night, Bruno farts…but then he runs. He’ll be gone before the smell hits us, so we’ve learned to run when he does.
The Peeing Thing—Bruno is a good doggie. Really. We trained him to stay out of the bedrooms. He stays out—even when we leave the house. (How do I know? I have absolute proof—there’s no hair in there.)
I think our fairly (immutably) regular schedule helps. He knows when we’re going to be home or out, and when HE gets to go out, like the guaranteed bedtime walk. With two youngish kids, bedtime is written in stone. They need bedtime. I need bedtime.
Recently, we stayed out past bedtime—for the first time in his life, probably. He peed. We knew the minute we walked in the door…he was slinking and skulking with capital S and another capital S. We couldn’t find it. Then we realized he’d gone into the kids’ bathroom (normally off-limits to him) and peed on the base of the toilet. Pretty bright, huh?
I didn’t know whether to be mad or grateful. Then, two days later, I was twenty minutes late for the lunch walk. (We’ve been busy lately. No, really, we have.) He’d gone into the master bathroom and peed on the base of the toilet. At that point, he’s clearly a bright dog and I’m clearly NOT finding it cute anymore.
Soup’s On—We feed Bruno before we eat. I know it’s not pack etiquette, it just works for us. But he always hesitates, checks us out, grovels a bit, and generally waits for us to give him the go-ahead. Lately, he’s gotten clever about getting my attention. He’ll toss a chew toy around flamboyantly, throwing and catching it all over the kitchen. Then, every night, Oops! It lands in the bowl. He’ll go take it out, look at me, drop it back in. Then he’ll start eating around the toy in the bowl. Every night.
Well played, Bruno—you got me!
Allergic to Water—Bruno can’t stand any form of water (doesn’t help the stinking problem). Yes, baths are an issue. When he goes out in the rain, he cringes like he’s been beaten. If the grass is dewy, he stays on the sidewalk to sniff. But the pool REALLY does him in.
Little A. recently learned to jump in the pool. He and S. decided to make a day of it, jumping in energetically, over and over. From Bruno’s point of view…His pack is in danger! He runs to the rescue! He sees the pool! He skids to a halt! He can’t go in there!
The kids get out and, after a thorough sniff-down, he visibly sighs in relief.
Ten seconds later, they jump in again! He runs to the rescue! He sees the pool! He can't go in!
|S. dressed Bruno as a Florida reindeer.|
You get it. And, yes, a couple of times, a paw or two skidded out over the water. I would have felt bad for him if I hadn’t been laughing so hard.
So thank you, Bruno, for the joy and chaos you bring to our lives!